I’m a planner. Maybe it comes with having a job that books out years in advance or it’s just in my DNA. Either way, I’ve operated for the better part of the last decade knowing exactly what my life will look like as far as my calendar will stretch.
I remember back when I completed my first makeup course in 2013. I was still working in the corporate world, but told myself once this course was completed, I was going to make it my goal to eventually do makeup full-time and own my own studio. I spent the next 6 years with my nose to the ground, solely focused on that objective. Every single action and decision I made was with that goal in mind. I was intentional, driven and so focused. Fast forward to 2019 and I made that goal my reality. Did it feel awesome? Yeah, definitely. But, I wanted more. What “more” was, I couldn’t quite put my finger on. More money, more bookings, more “success”? I wasn’t sure, but I knew there was something bigger on the horizon.
When the pandemic hit, my business suffered. I spent many sleepless nights in front of my computer dealing with wedding reschedules, cancellations, and responding to clients who wanted reassurance. Everything felt so heavy, intense, and wildly out of control. The planner in me had to get comfortable with living in a constant state of uncertainty. As 2020 progressed and we all adjusted to living in the era of Covid, all the chaos and noise in my world started to silence. Suddenly, I was confined to my four walls with no plans, no goals, no real purpose. I had to sit with my thoughts far more than ever. That “I know there is something more” thought was sitting at the forefront of my brain and screaming at me to pay attention.
In March of 2021, Kyle and I along with my sister and brother in-law decided to take a social-media free vacation to Aruba. We knew it was somewhat socially unacceptable to be traveling, but we needed it and we did our best to be as safe as possible. I figured I’d use that time away from my four walls and phone to work through what was next for me. We spent 5 days in the sun relaxing, drinking, and laughing (which felt like a rarity those days). It was an amazing escape, but I came back to Boston still feeling lost. Little did I know that that feeling wasn’t so much a feeling at all.
Two weeks later on Kyle and my 3rd wedding anniversary, I found out I was pregnant. No one can truly prepare you for the feeling of seeing two little lines on not one, but two pregnancy tests. Plus one more with a big fat YES. But that feeling is one that I’ll never forget. It was as if suddenly everything made so much sense. All along I believed I was striving for something business-related that I could plan for and quantify. Two little lines on a pregnancy test changed that. It changed everything, and it felt so fucking right. This slightly unplanned miracle taught me more about life than I had learned in my 31 years on earth, and he wasn’t even 5 weeks old yet.
Now, 24 weeks pregnant, in the midst of the busiest wedding season yet, I find myself at peace. I am no longer concerned with what’s next and have learned to trust that the universe has a bigger plan for me. I’m also well aware that becoming a mom is going to change me. And to be honest, that’s an idea I’ve always struggled with. But to my surprise, I’m ready to take on that change. I know what it means to be a businesswoman, a boss, a wife, a sister, and a friend, but I don’t know what it’s like quite yet to be a mom. And that’s okay. This adventure is one I am ready to explore, learn, and grow from. Ever present and unplanned.
Makeup by Mehry 2021
Design by Gloss